Top 5 Lists For People Who Love Listing Lists About Lists
Are listicles really important? Should we continue to encourage this kind of online reading? For the most part, I’ll say yes.
Of course I want to know the Top 15 Sandwiches I Should Be Making This Winter.
Obviously we all need to be intimately familiar with the Best Awkward Cats of 2013.
And don’t get me started on lists with facts about famous films or books or celebrities that I didn’t know. I need to know and I need to know yesterday.
In all of these sweet treasures of trivia and culinary adventure, there’s a big pile of shitty listicles. Shitsticles, if you will. Lists that tell me what I “know to be true” as a white man/gay man/New Englander/Canadian/Soccer Player/Drag Queen/whatever the fuck. But it ain’t goin’ down like that.
Here’s what I know to be true: every list is created by some bored jerk who wants to make it on BuzzFeed. Now, I love a little BF in my daily routine, but I have to lay some blame on them for inspiring so many shitty lists in the world.
Like, “The Top 10 Gays You Meet At A Club” that I just found on some queer blog? Thanks BuzzFeed, for compelling me to read every fucking list I set my eyes upon. Reading that list took away 6 minutes of my life I could have devoted to getting more cookies from my kitchen.
My problem with the lists isn’t the subject matter. I get that most lists are meant to be funny and parody these things certain cultures and subcultures understand. It’s better than those awful “What My Friends Think I Do” photos. Any time you posted one of those, your friends thought you were bored. End of story.
No, my problem with the lists is that there’s no barrier to entry. No standard of content. You write a “humorous” list, post it online and I guarantee someone will repost it or tweet it. Someone lazy and about 18-months behind trends, but someone nonetheless.
That awful list about gays I mentioned earlier? It relied on every lazy trope you can think of for gays. Club hounds, fag hags, self-hating queers, old men scamming on young guys. Yeah it’s funny ‘cause we get it but it’s less than funny because it’s not some clandestine secret. Even my brother who prefers to sit at home with drinks and watch documentaries about space could identify those gay tropes.
You want to write a list? Give me something either useful or original or educational. You want to bitch and moan about some facet of your social life or culture that you feel NO ONE UNDERSTANDZZZZZZ? Post a .GIF and make a drink.